August 29,2025
Hello Mustang Families,
I recently learned of some research that can explain why kids sometimes have some very big emotions when they get in the car after school. I wish I would have known about this when my kids were little! Please enjoy the article below, as I thought that it was very helpful!
Understanding “After-School Restraint Collapse” Why Kids Have Big Emotions After School
Have you ever noticed that your child seems to “fall apart” as soon as they get in the car after school? You’re not alone—this is such a common experience that experts have a name for it: After-School Restraint Collapse.
What is it?
Parenting educator Andrea Loewen Nair coined the term After-School Restraint Collapse to describe what happens when children hold in their feelings all day—working hard to listen, follow directions, and manage their emotions at school—only to have those feelings come pouring out the moment they see a trusted adult.
Psychologists explain that this happens because:
- Children use a lot of self-regulation during the school day (focusing, being respectful, navigating friendships).
- By the end of the day, they are emotionally spent and often physically tired and hungry.
- Home (or the car ride home) is their safe place, so their emotions show up strongly with the people they trust most.
The Child Mind Institute notes that transitions—like moving from school to home—are especially hard for kids, and that meltdowns are often their way of releasing stress. Similarly, Dr. Laura Markham (Aha! Parenting) reminds us that these big feelings are not a sign of misbehavior but rather a child’s way of “offloading stress” in the presence of a caring adult.
Here are a few research-based strategies that parents have found helpful:
- Offer food and water right away – Many kids are hungry or thirsty,
- Allow downtime – Some children need quiet music, silence, or alone time before they’re ready to chat.
- Avoid too many questions at pickup – Instead of “How was your day?” try a simple “I’m so glad to see you.” Give them space to share when they’re ready.
- Name and normalize emotions – Saying, “It looks like you had a big day” or “It’s okay to feel tired and grumpy after school” helps kids feel understood.
- Build a calm routine – A consistent after-school rhythm (snack, quiet time, then homework/play) helps children know what to expect.
The bottom line: If your child has big feelings right after school, it’s normal—and it often means they feel safe enough with you to let their guard down. With patience, empathy, and a few practical supports, children can learn to transition more smoothly from school to home.
As always, please feel free to reach out if you ever have any questions or concerns. Have a wonderful, restful long weekend with your families and we will see you on Tuesday!
Warmly,
Mrs. Newton
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